[Enter the NOME KING, on his throne. He's comically fat and has a white beard.]

N. KING: Well, Your Majesties, what can I do for you?

GOS: It is my desire to place in your care two prisoners.

[COR and GOS indicate the crowns in their hands.]

They must be carefully guarded because they have the cunning of foxes.

N. KING: Who are they?

COR: The prisoners are the King and Queen of Pingaree --

N. KING [calculating]: The Island of the Pearl Fishers. Have they any connection with the Land of Oz?

GOS: Why do you ask?

N. KING: I am very powerful, as you know, but Ozma of Oz is far more poweful than I.

GOS: These prisoners have nothing to do with Oz.

N. KING: Then why does a powerful kingdom like yours have anything to fear them?

COR: They are very evil and came to our islands to conquer us and slay us. They have a son who is a terrible wizard who is trying to set them free, that they might continue their wicked deeds.

N. KING: Oz has a terrible wizard.

COR: Oh, the Pingarese wizard is merely a boy; but he is very ferocious and obstinate and he is assisted by a fat little sorcerer called Rinkitink and a talking goat.

N. KING: Oho! A talking goat? That certainly sounds like the Land of Oz, where all the animals talk, their Cowardly Lions and Winged Monkeys, and all of them.

GOS: This goat has never been to Oz, I guarantee it, my friend. And we have brought your majesty valuable presents of gold and precious gems. We have no magic to defend ourselves with, but you are very powerful, so we have brought these prisoners to you for safe keeping.

[Then GOS and COR remove their goth robes and put on the crowns of Pingaree - KITTICUT and GAREE now stand before the Nome King, frightened and alone.]

KITTICUT: Your Majesty, do not believe the tales of our wickedness that King Gos and Queen Cor want you to believe, I implore you! They are all lies!

N. KING: I know it. I consider it a clever lie, thought, because it is woven without a thread of truth. However, that is none of my business. The fact remains that my good friend King Gos wishes to put you in my underground caverns. And why should I not please him in this little matter? Gos is a mighty King and a great warrior, while your island of Pingaree is desolated and your people scattered. In my heart, King Kitticut, I sympathize with you, but as a matter of business policy we powerful Kings must stand together and trample the weaker ones under our feet.

GAREE: We do not deserve this cruel fate1 you would be wiser to side with us against that evil King!

N. KING: The fact that you are my prisoners, my poor Garee, is evidence that you are weaker than King Gos, and I prefer to deal with the strong.

[The actor switches crowns, and for a moment, COR is back.]

COR: Make them work. They are rather delicate, and to make them work will make them suffer delightfully.

[She switches crowns again, and both rulers of Pingaree are back.]

N. KING: I'll do as I please with them, Cruel Queen Cor.

[He takes the treasure bags.]

Be content that they will be safe.

[GAREE and KITTICUT are led away by Nome Guards, who take the treasure with them as well.]

N. KING: I want a full accounting of their payment, and no skimming off the top, mind you! And get me a progress report on our invasion tunnel to Oz. Are they digging down there, or just munching on tasty diamond coal!

[Enter INGA and RINK, in search of the King and Queen.]

INGA: The entrance to the Nome Kingdom.

[RINKITINK chuckles.]

What amuses your majesty?

RINKITINK: The thought of how surprised my dear subjects would be. I have always wanted to visit the Nome Country, which is full of mystery and magic and adventure, but my devoted subjects forbade me to go, fearing I would get hurt or enchanted. But they say the nomes dig up gold and silver and precious stones, and then bury it secretly, and are very rich. Also they have magnificent caverns decorated with rare jewels all over the walls, floor, and ceiling. And they guard their treasure most ferociously.

INGA: Are you afraid, now that you are here.

RINKITINK: A little. But I won't desert you now. Why don't you use your magical powers to locate your parents, or to bring them to us?

INGA: Rinktink, I have kept a secret from you, but you are my friend and I want to tell you the truth. I have no magic powers of my own.

R/BILBIL: Well, now. Isn't this just great. Here we are in the darkest tunnels under the enemy island of Regos, and our boy wonder prince decides it's time to tell us he isn't a magician at all.

INGA: I only have my family's three magic pearls, which give me strength, protect me from danger, and advise me on the best way to go.

RINKITINK: Magic pearls, eh? Eek, eek, eek! Then I suppose you hid them in your shoes, which was why Queen Cor was able to capture you, when the shoes were lost.

INGA: Yes it is. And now the White Pearl, that's the one that advises me, it says to go to the Kingdom of the Nomes to save my parents, and it has not failed me yet.

RINKITINK: I think you ought to protect me and Bilbil by lending us one of your pearls.

INGA: Which pearl would you like to have?

RINKITINK: Well, you may need strength to liberate your parents, and you will need the advice of that wise White Pearl there. But if we are separated, there would be nothing to protect me.

INGA: Then I ought to lend you the Pink Pearl, which will protect you from all danger.

RINKITINK: I will put it in my vest pocket, which has a flap that I can pin down.

INGA [To the White Pearl]: What shall I do now?

WHITE PEARL: Clap your hands together four times.

[INGA does. The NOME KING appears, with KITTICUT and GAREE.]

N. KING: Prince Inga of Pingaree, Island of the Pearl-Fishers. I know what you've come for, but you can't hav the captives from Regos, so you'd best go away.

INGA: The captives are my father and mother, and I intend to liberate them.

N. KING: I suppose you are King Rinkitink of the City of Gilgad.

RINKITINK [genuinely charmed]: You've guessed it on the first try!

N. KING: How round and fat you are.

RINKITINK: I was just thinking how fat and round you are. Really, we ought to be friends, we're so much alike in everthing but disposition and intelligence.

[RINKITINK chuckles.]

N. KING: Is that your talking goat?

RINKITINK: It is, your Majesty.

N. KING: Can he really talk?

RINKITINK: He can, though he's usually quite cross. Talk to his Majesty, Bilbil!

[BILBIL remains stubbornly silent.]

N. KING: Perhaps I'll take him away from you, to ride through my caverns.

[NOME KING blows a gold whistle.

The sound of a great army, marching in formation, until he blows the whistle again.]

You see, that's a part of my bodyguard. The royal armies are as numerous as the sands of the ocean. You have come here thinking to force me to give up the captives of King Gos and Queen Cor, and I want to assure you that my power is too mighty for anyone to oppose. i am told you are a wizard, and depend upon magic to aid you; but you must know that nomes are immortals, and understand magic pretty well, so we can fight magic with magic, a hundred to one if necessary. Boy, realize that you are in my power. You cannot force me to liberate your parents, and you cannot convince me to break my promise to King Gos. Therefore, as I do not wish to hurt you, I ask you to go away peaceably and let me alone.

INGA: Forgive me if I do not agree with you, but I cannot leave your dominions without my parents.

N. KING: If evil overtakes you, then, it is your own fault. You will be taken to my guest chambers, where you will be well fed and cared for, for we bear you no ill will. Tomorrow I will talk with you again.

INGA: Father, mother. I will set you free.

KITTICUT: Have you done as my grandfather did?

INGA: I have, father.

KITTICUT: Then soon we will all go home.

[A Nome GUARD leads INGA away.]

N. KING: Rinkitink, stay here with me and let us amuse ourselves, you and I. I have checkers.

RINKITINK: I suspect you mean to harm me.

N. KING: I do.

RINKITINK: Be assured that you will fail.

N. KING: You may be right, and I may be impolite to argue with a guest, but you will pardon me if I am not yet satisfied that you are stronger than my famous magic.

R/BILBIL: Famous, schmamous. I knew a barnyard hen once, she could...

N. KING: I truly bear you no ill will, but it is my duty to destroy you, because you and that boy Prince threaten to free the captives, and you show no intention of just going back to the surface and leaving me alone. I'm very tender-hearted, as a matter of fact, and I like you immensely and would enjoy having you as a friend, but-

[N. KING pushes a button on the arm of his throne and a bottomless pit opens under RINKITINK'S feet. We hear it yawn open and bits of gravel fall off the edge and RINKITINK's laughter echoes cavernously, but the King and his goat do not fall. Something horrible in the pit growls. RINKITINK calmly steps onto solid ground.]

RINKITINK: I appreciate your Majesty's friendship.

N. KING: Drat! But tell me, my friend, is the boy Inga as well protected as you?

RINKITINK: Uh... why do you ask?

N. KING: Because the boy will undergo a trial far greater and more dangerous than what you have encountered. It has been hundreds of years since anyone has been able to escape from what Inga faces.

RINKITINK [in a careless way]: You're a mighty poor Magician, your Majesty, and I'll give you my crown if Inga hasn't escaped any danger you have for him.

[Reveal A FEROCIOUS GIANT with coarse red hair. Its eyes are disks of flame and its yawn reveals great rows of teeth. INGA eyes it warily.]

GIANT: Come hither, my pretty one. We will wrestle together, you and I.

INGA: Give me strength, courage, and wisdom.

[INGA lunges at the GIANT and is swatted away with flesh-tearing claws.]

GIANT: But first, tell me what you are, so I can savor you.

INGA: I am the Prince of the Pearl/ Fishers.

GIANT: Why have you come here?

INGA: To free my parents from bondage.

GIANT: Why did you not turn back?

INGA: Because they were brought here.

GIANT: How did you find this place?

INGA: My best advisor told me the way.

GIANT: This friend of yours, does he know my strength?

INGA: You are very big indeed.

GIANT: Does he know my terrible hunger?

INGA: I might be a very tasty morsel for a caged animal like you.

GIANT: What makes you think that you can defeat me?

INGA: Because there you are.

[The GIANT grabs INGA and breaks his arm before he can lurch free. INGA cries out.]

GIANT: I can tell by looking at you...

INGA: What.

GIANT: You are fine young man. I'm sorry you'll never see your parents again. My parents were killed by the Nome King's armies. This will be my best fight ever. You're so little and soft.

[INGA looks around him and finds a huge iron post. He wrenches it from the floor or wall.]

Is that for me?

[INGA swings the post above his head, and strikes the giant on the forehead. The GIANT wobbles. INGA hits it again and again. The GIANT groans and lies still and INGA beats it mercilessly. Then he kneels and catches his breath.]

N. KING: Tarts and tadpoles, the boy is still alive!

[INGA stumbles into RINKITINK's arms, spent. Checkers scatter.]

INGA: It... cracked...

RINKITINK: Your Majesty. He has beaten your giant. Let his parents go.

N. KING: You are able to protect your own lives, but you cannot take from me the captives I have agreed to keep.

[Royal trumpet flourish.]

What now?

[A PROCESSION from Gilgad enters, led by LORD PINKERBLOO.]

PINKERBLOO: Your Majesty.

[They kneel to Rinkitink.]

Have you learned the scroll "How to be Good"?

RINKITINK: How did you find me?

PINKERBLOO: After sarching the hills far and wide in our fair kingdom and in the land of the Screaming Wheelies and of the Tottenhots, we finally sent to the land of Oz for help. The Princess Dorothy of Kansas received our plea and looked into Ozma's Magic Picture where she saw you journeying into the realm of the Nome King. She sent us back word of your whereabouts, and so we mustered a Royal Guard to rescue you.

RINKITINK: But you bear no arms. I defy you to take me! I am your King!

R/BILBIL: Then behave like one.

RINKITINK: I am the Royal Commander of the Royal Guard!

PINKERBLOO: Dorothy also advised us to bring these.

[He reveals a basket of one dozen eggs.]

N. KING: Aahhh!

RINKITINK: Why, what's the matter, my dear tormentor?

N. KING: Eggs! They will destroy my wonderful immortality if I merely touch them! Stay back!

PINKERBLOO: Then, Gracious King of the Nomes, I do demand that you turn your Royal Guard on my King Rinkitink, and compel him to depart your caverns with us.

N. KING [sigh]: As you wish.

[INGA whispers in PINKERBLOO'S ear.]

PINKERBLOO: ... And that you release the good King Kitticut and Queen Garee of Pingaree, Island of the Pearl Fishers.

N. KING: But I can't. I promised.

PINKERBLOO: You will. Dorothy also said that when King Gos and Queen Cor set out to conquer another peaceful island, the mermaids whipped up a storm for them, and they were drowned in the purple waters of the Nonestic Ocean.

[KITTICUT and GAREE'S chains fall off. They embrace INGA.]

KITTICUT: Lord Pinkerbloo. King Rinkitink.

N. KING: Rinkitink, we could have been great friends, but instead you've humiliated me, so now I'm going to take care of that goat of yours once and for all.

[PINKERBLOO advances, with eggs.]

No, no wait. Bilbil.

R/BILBIL: Yes, Your Majesty.

N. KING: How is it that you, who have never been to the land of Oz, are able to talk?

R/BILBIL: That's my business.

N. KING: I see. You are under an enchantment. Indeed, I believe you to be the long lost Prince Bobo.

RINKITINK: Dear me, Bilbil, why have you never told me this?

R/BILBIL: What would be the use? You could not break the powerful enchantment.

N. KING: But I can.

[He commits an act of magic, and Prince BOBO appears.]

R/BOBO: Thank you, your Majesty.

ALL: Hurrah!

RINKITINK: I have a song to sing, all the way back to Gilgad:

We're merry comrades all, tonight

Because we've won a gallant fight,

And conquered all our foes.

We're not afraid of anything,

So let us gayly laugh and sing

Until we seek repose.

 

We've all our grateful hearts can wish;

King Gos has gone to feed the fish,

Queen Cor has gone as well;

Kink Kitticut has found his son

Prince Bobo soon will have a throne

Relieved of magic spell.

ALL:

So let's forget this horrid strife

Tha fell upon our peaceful life

And caused distress and pain,

For very soon across the sea

We'll all be sailing merrily

To Pingaree again.

 

[BLACKOUT. END.]

©2000